talk to me about mother fucking regret because I can educate you like no one can.
It starts with falling from euphoria.
Failing your better judgement and the normal perimeters of your boundaries.
Its sustained by speculation. And judgement. The kind of judgement you would pass if it was roles reversed.
And then its all pity, prose, nonsense, devastation, ignorance, idiocy, trashiness, self disrespect and damage from there on out.
Your that person you didn't want to be.
It ends in reminders and awareness. Hindsight and its constant backlash.
And something unfortunate. Like excess and deficit.
I know everything. That damp, sick feeling in your stomach and the back of your throat. Wishes. Prayers that you are able to wake up from this nightmare. Paranoia, when you hear anything thinking those whispers are publicly taking apart you.
You think for one minute that maybe being reassured that there are people that love you regardless will take the edge off. But the forgiveness of others just makes it harder for you to forgive yourself. You cant love someone who would do this to you.
You are the one keeping that photo reel turning in your mind. Putting those actions on repeat. Hooking yourself up to that drip of a slow release dose of anguish. Your playing the good cop and the bad cop interrogating yourself.
You are guilty.
i regret sloth, bingeing, not respecting myself, not being more considerate of others, complaining about not having to spend time with family and having to miss a party, my indecisiveness, ignoring something beautiful, holding my tongue, vanity, greed and being superficial.
I know you have to make your own mistakes. But take the road less travelled and dont end up a mess.
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