suburban incarceration

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So many things are going on today because its my Mum's birthday. And it's weird because its like mid week and usually things do NOT happen on Wednesdays. Evah.
The phone is always ringing and I'm going to bake a cake. My sister has gone to school and we are going to send a parcel. Normal things, right? But they are all weirdly related and look like they have an agenda because they come under the sub heading of 'mums birthday'.

On this glorious day, which we appreciate more because the sun is out on the day of my mothers birth, I feel like I can look at myself and see what person I am.
I feel like a normal, greatful person stuck inside a short tempered persons life. Like, I hate this house that I live in, and find myself having to justify my hate to TOTAL STRANGERS that drive you home from netball when you fill in. "oh yeah thats my house down the end of the street, oh haha [polite laugh], yes well my parents are waiting to build. they didn't want to move. my brother was going to move. well we use to live in a good house."

God it sounds so desperate. And I know that the people don't give a shit, but it just comes out. I (not even secretly or discreetly) wish that we never moved from 'the mansion' - friends christened it, not us - and that when people drove me home they could still marvel over the red door and that we lived in the big house opposite the golf course. And I would be constantly greatful that I had like more than 1cm squared to myself.
Doing it again, I realize that.

So even though so many good things are happening, and I've been lucky all my life, I still get the urge to bang my head on this computer table and wait for the day that I am rewarded for this mother fucking penance.
The only thing I have learnt, the only thing, is that no good and selfless deed goes unpunished.
If you ever get the opportunity to kick and scream and tantrum to prevent something you don't want from happening, I beg you. DO IT.
If not for your own good for the good of others.
Never lend your things to friends, because eventually someone will break into their car and take it.
Don't help people with their homework.
And never, NEVER give selfish bitches the benefit of doubt. Because instead of 'another holiday in Bali!', you end up down $200 and in Surfers. Actually, hold that thought, because at this stage I'm still not sure if its a blessing in disguise.

But jeeze, I know that I sound like that song where the guy complains about his hard life being male middle class and white. I got it easy, nobody prejudices against me, my home is not being destroyed by companies who kill orangutans habitats for palm oil.
Oh my god, I am Emma Woodhouse ala Jane Austen.